Flash back to the early 80’s. I was living in West Hollywood, working as a hostess in a restaurant and going on auditions for TV commercials and doing some modeling. It was my childhood dream to leave my small town outside of Seattle & move to LA to become an actress.
So.. I did it, I was there…I was going for it…YES!!!
But there was a chink in my rainbow…
The boyfriend I had at the time, (let’s call him Logan) was a classic narcissist. I had never heard the term back then and knew nothing about it.
But what I did know was that at every turn he attempted to sabotage me, my excitement, my joy and accomplishments. Sabotaging my auditions by starting an argument before I left the house so I would be crying, or turning off the answering machine so I would missed calls from my agent, were just a couple of tactics he used.
Logan put down my interests, my friends, my taste in music, my cooking… when I got home he accused me of not being at my acting class or the gym. With an ominous tone and scowl, he’d say, “I drove by your class, your car wasn’t there, where were you really?” I now know that is called gaslighting.
I was confused, depressed, saddened, frustrated & angry. I had no idea what boundaries were, the fact that I was co-dependant and that if I chose myself, my dignity and respect, I could have navigated myself out of the abuse.
Finally, 4 years later, after being literally kicked and a hospital visit to stitch up my hand that was sliced open from banging on the window pane of the door after he locked me out of the house at midnight… I packed my things and left.
Sadly for many years, I repeated the pattern. I continued to choose the same man, only in a different pair of pants.
What turned things around for me was learning to set healthy boundaries, clear co-dependence, dive into shadow work and choose me!
If you are a woman longing to break your old patterns, learn to set strong boundaries and leap into an empowered and joyful 2022, contact me about my 1-1 twelve week Boundary Coaching program.