Why You Keep Attracting Low-Effort Men (And What Your Frequency Has to Do With It)

Let’s talk about a hard truth in dating that most people don’t want to hear:

Every connection you attract is a mirror. And frequency always finds its match.

If you're constantly encountering flaky, low-effort, emotionally unavailable partners—or getting ghosted by people who seemed promising at first—there’s a deeper pattern at play. It’s not just bad luck. And it’s not because “all the good ones are taken.” It’s because somewhere in your energy, there’s a frequency that's still available for that treatment.

Let me explain.

I have a friend who’s been on the dating apps for a while. She’s smart, beautiful, emotionally intelligent—the kind of woman who should be attracting aligned love. But every few weeks, I hear the same story:“He seemed interested, then disappeared.”“All they want to do is text and never make real plans.”“Men are trash. Dating apps are the worst.”

I get it. I've been there too. It’s frustrating. But here’s the mirror:

If this pattern keeps showing up… it’s not just about them. It’s showing you something about you.

Maybe it’s a wound around self-worth. Maybe it's a fear of true intimacy that creates attraction to emotionally unavailable people. Maybe it’s a lack of boundaries that makes you emotionally available to people who aren’t showing up.

Frequency doesn’t lie.If you're still resonating at the level of “I hope they choose me,”You will attract people who make you feel unchosen.

If you're still entertaining conversations with people who give you crumbs,You’ll keep getting served crumbs.

And if you're spending your energy complaining about how bad it is out there,you’re reinforcing that belief—and the universe will echo it back. Again. And again.

So what shifts the pattern?

You do.When you stop blaming and start taking radical self-responsibility. When you raise your frequency by healing your wounds, owning your standards,and moving from "I hope they like me" to "I like me, and I know what I deserve."

Aligned love doesn't arrive because you want it. It arrives because your frequency can hold it.

And when that happens, the game changes. The ghosts disappear. The apps feel different. You become magnetic to the energy you once thought didn’t exist.

Not because the world changed.Because you did.

Tired of dating your shadow? Start with your self. Share this with the friend who needs a loving wake-up call. 💬🖤

✨ Ready to break the pattern for good?

Liberate is my private 1:1 coaching space for the woman who’s done settling—for crumbs, for confusion, for connections that drain instead of expand.

This is deep work. Shadow work. Frequency healing. Identity shifting. Because the love you want doesn’t arrive when you get lucky, It arrives when you become the version of you who no longer entertains anything less.

If you’re ready to stop calling in mirrors of your wounds and start attracting reflections of your worth, Liberate is where we begin.

And download my FREE guide: No More Crumbs: Your Boundary Blueprint For Being Chosen & Cherished.

⚡️ Email Me the word "LIBERATE" at marlamartenson@mac.com to set a call to find out if my 1-1 container is for you.