The Dorian Gray Delusion: Swipe Left on Immortality

By Marla Martenson

In The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde gave us a man who never appeared to age—his skin forever smooth, his charm untouched by time—while a hidden portrait quietly soaked up every wrinkle, indulgence, and consequence of real life.

Dorian stays young. The painting pays the price.

If only dating worked that way.

As a matchmaker of over two decades—and someone who truly loves playing Cupid for a living—I often meet men in their 60s (and even 70s) who sincerely—no, wholeheartedly—believe they look decades younger. Not just a little younger. We’re talking full-on time traveler energy:

“People think I’m 45.”“

"I’ve got more stamina than guys in their 20s.”

"Women my age can't keep up with me."

And almost without fail, that becomes the rationale for why they only want to date women in their 30s.

My business partner and I call them The Dorian Grays. And when they’re feeling particularly mystical? We upgrade them to The Count of St. Germain.

👑 Enter: The Immortal Bachelor

The Count of St. Germain was a real 18th-century European figure—part adventurer, part alchemist, part mystery. Active around 1710 to 1784, he was rumored to be immortal, with sightings spanning centuries. He reportedly told friends he was 300 years old and possessed the elixir of life. He never aged, never ate, and somehow always looked exactly the same.

In one of the most famous stories, Countess Von Georgy claimed to have met the Count in Venice in 1710, where he appeared to be in his 40s. Fifty years later, she met him again—and he looked exactly the same. When she gasped, he simply smiled and hinted, “I am very old.”

Honestly? That’s the energy some of these men bring to my office.

They don’t just think they’ve aged well—they believe they’ve defied time. And sure, they may not be mixing up eternal youth in a velvet-lined lab, but they’ve got good lighting, a personal trainer, and a dating profile that confidently ignores the last two decades.

But here’s the curious part: In over 20 years of matchmaking, I have never once heard a man say:

“I look exactly my age.”

“Apparently, we’re all Benjamin Buttoning through Bumble, moisturized, mystified, and mildly in denial.”

And with that logic in hand, they build their dating preferences around women young enough to be their daughters.

I get it. Truly. Getting older isn’t for the faint of heart—especially when you're still hoping to find love. The body shifts, the mirror gets harsher, and the dating pool doesn’t always feel kind. It’s easy to cling to the parts of yourself that still feel untouched by time. That’s human. But using that as a reason to exclude people in your own life stage? That’s where the disconnect begins.

But here's the gentle truth bomb: Feeling young is not the same as appearing young—and neither one overrides the reality of having a human lifespan. Even if you look great for your age, your body still has an expiration date. And to a woman in her 30s or 40s, you’re not a romantic peer—you’re her dad’s age. AARP knows your name. So does Medicare. That matters.

Meanwhile, the portrait in the attic, aka reality, continues to age in peace.

From a matchmaking standpoint, this disconnect creates tension:

• Men feel unfairly rejected by younger women.

• Women their own age feel invisible.

• And I’m left gently explaining that attraction isn’t a courtroom where you present your hairline and your HIIT workout as evidence and demand a verdict.

  
  

Attraction is chemistry. Shared life experience. Emotional fluency. Timing. And yes, physical appeal—often with people who’ve aged alongside us.

So here’s the kinder, deeper truth I wish more people embraced:

You don’t need to look younger than your age to be desirable.You just need to look like you—well cared for, emotionally present, and confident in your own story.

There is something wildly magnetic about someone who says:

“This is who I am at this stage of life—and I actually like it here.”

That kind of grounded presence? It doesn’t require pretending the clock skipped you. It requires owning your chapter, not chasing someone else’s highlight reel.

So if you're dating in your 60s and feeling young at heart—fantastic. Bring that sparkle. Bring your stories. Bring your appetite for life.

Just don’t confuse feeling young with needing a partner who reflects youth back at you like a shiny prize.

Dorian Gray had to hide his portrait to preserve the fantasy. St. Germain turned himself into a myth.

But you? You don’t need a fantasy or a myth.

You just need presence. Realness. And the courage to be seen, just as you are.

Because when the illusion drops? That’s where the actual romance begins. 💫

Been on either side of this story?

I’d love to hear your thoughts—what do you think about age, attraction, and dating expectations? Leave a comment.

And if you're Looking for real connection—not fantasy, let’s find someone who’s right for this chapter of your life.

💌 Inquire about private matchmaking